"I think I made you up inside my head"
Sylvia said
and I agreed with my head
"I know the feeling"
I said.
"Even losing you"
Elizabeth expressed
"losing's not too hard to master
tought it may look like..."
("It is." I thought but never said)
Her face spoke another story
but she ended with "like a disaster."
and her eyes went far away...
Loved an empty shirt, lost nothing
mourned the living, lost you trully
forgot nothing and lost part of myself
It's just a name... or maybe not. by joy97, literature
Literature
It's just a name... or maybe not.
I heard your name once and I could never forget about it.
I heard your name twice and my world became colourful.
I lived around your light for a while...
--------------
The "third" time had no charm; I felt numb from the shock,
but it didn't end there...
...pain, anger and regrets, silly things that scarred my very soul...
The next time I paniced so much I couldn't breath.
And you where there, (you were always there, or at least I had you with me).
I told you "goodbye" because I wanted to forget you, I wanted to move on.
-------------
I couldn't bear your name anymore (so I stopped using it.)
I could never forget you,
Don't protect me,
Support me!
You can't really save me,
you can't fight what really hurts me
and trying
...only adds you to the list.
Stop fighting my battles,
stop confronting my enemies,
stop stealing my life...
I'll never learn,
I'll never understand,
I'll never grow,
I'll never love,
if you get in the way.
I have to fight it myself.
Not alone; don't leave me,
don't hurt me,
don't put me down...
But help me:
stand by me,
talk to me,
listen to me,
look at me...
Don't put me in a safe,
help me survive the difficultes,
help me heal my wounds,
help me see more of life; through your eyes.
Don't protect me,
Support me!
Love and Fear are the absolute powers
in the human world.
1# Fear
(It's how fascism works.)
You are the weak and you can feel it.
And you can't talk back
no matter if you know that you should.
No matter if you know it will
help.
You see them beat your friends and family.
You see them take your neighbors and
pin them on the wall to shoot them.
And you stay silent.
Afraid; what will they do to me,
if I talk back?
It's the same feeling,
with different monsters
wearing different military suits
with different skin, hair and eye color.
But with the same hate on their faces and hands.
Causing the same fear.
Paralyzing.
Silencing.
Terrorisin
Pain is so easy to feel.
Because pain is an indicator,
an alarm.
Without pain we would be vulnerable
we couldn't see or understand danger.
Without pain we would be careless
we couldn't pay attention to our suroundings.
So pain it is I seek.
Because it's easy...
Because it makes me
understand, care, see...
On the other hand pleasure is difficult.
It's specific, it comes for a price,
and the amount is on the bill.
You can't take any for free...
So don't get worried about my habits.
For pleasure I always pay the price.
But forgive me, sometimes I'm broke...
We are made to want it.
We are making choises so to have some.
You can't have much. Never much.
It's never enough though...
But the price; it's high
like you are buying anti-matter
and sometimes you don't even know
were to give the cash.
But we are made like this.
Searching and trying to get a fix.
Sometimes alone,sometimes frome others.
It's not about happiness don't get me wrong.
We are lucky though...
We can find dealers many,
people who want to give us some.
Others who want to use us,
and they give us pleasure in exchange.
And there is the moment where you should decide;
pleasure for a price,
pain for a cause,
Not always a happy ending.
...Just because you are an angel doesn't mean that we'll end up in heaven...
But I'm sure we'll fly (even with tears in our eyes)
...Just because we say we feel "that" it doesn'tmean that we know what we feel...
But I'm sure we feel something (it could be even the same thing)
There is an ending though.
I hate being an artist.
I love to draw, to write, to paint, to dance, to act, to sing, to think...
But I hate this; the vulnerability that comes with sensitivity.
I hate the fact that I'm hurt more ofter and deeper than the rest of my suroundings.
I love to be consumed by emotions and feelings and thoughs...
But I hate it when I cry for hours just because a flower's thorn stab my finger while admiring it.
Well, let me rephrase that; I hate it when I cry in the middle of the night because I was hurt in the past and I relive it with every stray thought (that got too out off hand).
I hate being
emotional about everything,
thinking twice(o
There is pain and there is pleasure,
but what happens when you feel
nothing at all?
Emptyness...
The world goes quiet.
Unimportant.
Colorless.
Uninteresting.
The world disapears.
You look but you don't see.
You listen but you don't hear.
And you don't want to be there.
You don't want to be...
Emptyness; strips you of every instinct.
You are not alert to danger.
You can't enjoy nature or humans.
You can't use your imagination.
THere is no place you want to go.
Because you get detouched from the world.
Like your feet doesn't touch the ground,
but at the same time, there is no ground.
A world quiet,
there but not inviting,
cold but does
Things I wanted to tell you (but didn't) #1 by joy97, literature
Literature
Things I wanted to tell you (but didn't) #1
Many have said it better but, please that soft and sensitive part of your heart; your soft voice to cats your anger at injustice your irritation in face of ridicule your joy upon seen your friends your longing for something more your sadness that come from memories (never forgotten) your discomfort sitting at boring meetings your anxiety when you have to do something new your knee-jerk movement to help someone that asked your kind eyes upon me... Please that weak and fragile part (that is anything but!) never let it go away... Please never become hard. Please never become "stronger". Please never listen to "stop being so sensitive". ...rocks don't have friends... You are resilient. (and that's better)
I wish for someone to love me,
but then I think when they will look at me
with love and acceptance in their eyes
I'll cry,
I'll cry all day long...
But what if they are ok with it?
What if they are patient with me,
and wait, till the day I will stop crying.
Oh please be patient with me.
I cry now, because I need to grieve
I need to cry away the years I was alone
the years I passed with people without love
for me.
Oh be patient with me,
and you will see the day I'll stop crying
for I'll always smile
when I see the love and patience in your eyes.
Restless like a lion on a too small cage;
he walks up and down
he roars to the clown
he eats with eyes full of fear
and wish to get out of here.
He laughs with some peers
and sheds no tears.
He dreams of lands far away
and sings of feelings lost
but hey,
he will one day
find a place far away
a place to call home...
Requesting to turn back time is useless or even harmfull.
You are never the same person again
your past is never going to satisfy you
once you are through it.
So move on
and make your new you
with the tools of yesterday
and the hopes of tomorrow.
That's evolution.
-You are not going to call me weak for crying?
-You are not weak and crying doesn’t make you weak.
-But crying for such stupid reason does.
-Why do you cry?
-Because I’ll leave tomorrow and I’ll probably never see you again.
-Fear of losing the people we have feelings for is not stupid. It’s human nature to be afraid of the unknown and to cry from fear. You don’t have to worry. Cry as much as you need to then go to sleep.
-You don’t care do you?
-If I didn’t care I would had tell you to go to bed and forget about it. But your emotional health is important…
-To the mission.
-In general.
-But no
'It's not like it's serious'... by joy97, literature
Literature
'It's not like it's serious'...
-Have you tried to talk to someone?
-Talk to someone? About what?
There's no evidence,
there's no marks.
-Yes but they hurt you.
-So? People hurt each other every day...
And only some "cases" get justice.
-You will get justice, people will relate, people will understand.
-They will not.
Because they glorify people in position of power.
Because there is no pysical evidence
and my mental health is an "excuse".
-...
-And my death will be an excuse...
Because I'm fighting for years in the silence
and when they will see the body
they will see evidence for the very first time.
And they will start counting mistakes backwards.
And they will u
I'm not active anymore, but I keep my writing just in case anyone might like them and be inspired by them, or at least feel like they are not alone in the feeling or situation they are in...
I want to thank everyone that clicked favorite on my writing.