It was torturous!

I tried to not draw or paint for a month and I realized how important it is to me.
Also I didn't write (stories or poems) for a couple of weeks but I couldn't survive that one and I gave in...

And so the other day I draw some symbols and letters and I felt like I could breath again. WOW!

(It must sound silly to people without artistic tendencies but for me art is (almost) all I've got.)

And all this experiment started after I finished a painting class in my university and I was feeling so useless all the while but in the end I got 9/10 for the class and I felt like something was wrong.

My teacher said that I tried and I did some good things but he said that my paintings "are art; bad art, but art" and I felt really bad about myself, because I was trying all my life to became an artist (while hating the fact that I had an artistic personality and I am really sensitive... to everything) and his words made me afraid to paint something less that what I paint during class.

In the end I realised that my problem during the course was that I care about art and I wanted to learn more things about it, not just pass the class. Which made me restless and intrigued in a degree that I swear to never paint again (...denial...) because I couldn't paint as perfectly as I wished to.(...acceptance...)


I still can't bring myself to paint but I'll get there eventually. The experiment was so I could see if art is really important to me, if it was worth the anxiety that I felt... and the answer is yes, because I'm a person with artistic tendencies by "design" therefore it's in my "nature" to make art.(or at least try to...)

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I hope everyone is alright and keep fighting with their demons(because if you don't fight you can't expect to win, right?) and I wish everyone to be healthy and happy(if possible).
Thanks for reading my "stuff", we'll be in touch...

(not literally touch, because that's against physic's laws... but you know what I mean...)